Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who would like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis and the benefits that it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist,
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor turned consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapist talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode.
Martin Furber 0:39
Denise, it's Monday again.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:41
Indeed. How are you? How was your weekend?
Martin Furber 0:44
Oh, my weekend's, good thanks. My weekend's been good. Yeah, long weekend,
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:48
Mine too, hideously hot 88 Which doesn't sound so bad when you compare it to some of the temperatures we've had. But the humidity was phenomenal. So it was, I didn't I didn't do a lot. I went to a wonderful antique fair. And went around once. Usually I would be there wandering for ages and not can't do it going home. Looking to push it
Martin Furber 1:11
It was 21 degrees away last night and only about 70-75 farenheight. Yeah, so just just nice. Just pleasant, especially for me in the north of England. You know, we're not used to the same temperatures.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:22
Do you find the sun improves your mood?
Martin Furber 1:26
Oh, definitely. Definitely. I think the seasons affect me I suffer with SAD, no doubt about it. If the sky is blue, and you look up and you see a blue sky, you immediately feel better. I always do, I always do. and a grey sky can really bring me down.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:47
I don't necessarily feel down when it's greyer. I find it harder to get up in the morning, which now with the daylight used was going getting light at three o'clock in the morning over here at some point, but now it's closer to six. When it's dark after six, I find it harder to get, get going in the morning. But if I look out my window and there's blue sky, I can get so much more done that day.
Martin Furber 2:10
Yeah, yeah, I'm the same.
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:12
I don't really think of myself as being depressed when it's not but being you know, really happy when it is sunny.
Martin Furber 2:17
Yeah, if I wake up in the morning, and the sky is blue immediately, I feel good. I mean, I have a routine in the morning, I wake up, make my first cup of coffee, give the cat her water because she likes drinking water out of a running tap. That's my morning routine. And if I look out the kitchen window as I'm doing that, and the sky is blue, I just immediately feel great. And it's like, what am I going to do today?
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:40
Yeah, and that that sounds like a very weird segue. But But actually, I think we were I think we said we were going to talk about routines and rituals and the importance of those. Or am I miss-remembering?
Martin Furber 2:55
I can't remember. But it sounds like a good subject to talk about today.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:02
What, what would you be? What would, when you see a new client? Do you talk to them about what their rituals are? What their? What their routines are? depending of course on why you're seeing them?
Martin Furber 3:15
Yeah, I do tend to talk a lot about repetition how the brain likes repetition, because it makes it feel safe. Yeah, we may explore routines. As I say, it depends what the client is coming to see me for. But I do go a long way to explain about repetition and how it works, how the brain likes it, how it makes you feel safe. And of course, you know, the downside of that. The sort of analogy I always use is, I always go back to cave people times and talk about if, you know, if the caveman looked out and there was snow all around and he couldn't get out there to hunt or anything, you know, he'd stay inside and pull the rug over his head until the situation changed.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:01
Til, it was worth going out. Yeah,
Martin Furber 4:03
Yeah. And I sort of made that comparison to the modern day symptoms of depression. You know, if you stayed in bed one day and pulled the rug out over your head and didn't face the world, and you are protected, then you're tempted to do the same thing again the next day, of course, and on it goes. In terms of, let's lighten it up - too deep there too early, you know talk about something else to do with rituals.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:27
I was thinking, I was thinking more like one of your niches which is weight loss. Why do people you know, we all have the same access to information? Yes, some of us rather deeper than others because we've studied physiology, but, but people know calories count. Yeah, absolutely know they need to move they need to know they're not to eat, don't eat too much. But it's those routines and rituals that those comforting aspects that lead to overweight.
Martin Furber 4:30
Yeah, we will. Let's think about it. Food is a sociable thing. What do we do when we welcome strangers into our house? Offer them food, offer them a drink?
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:10
And at the minimum a cup of tea? Yeah, yeah, which usually comeswith a biscuit.
Martin Furber 5:14
I was just gonna say and buscuits yeah. But think of any occasional any celebration, any family milestone, it's always centred around food. We have the wedding breakfast. You know, Christmas dinner? You know, if you're Jewish Friday evening dinners a big thing, isn't it? Sure. Is it Shabbas dinners?
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:34
Say yes.
Martin Furber 5:36
Yeah. You know, I mean, it's the same from what I can gather in all faiths, Bahaia faith 19 day feast, right? Food, food's, food's a big thing.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:47
It doesn't have to be a feast. But yes, it is. It is central to building community. Yeah, it's very, but obviously, you can do that, and you can eat. And you don't have to be overweight or uncomfortable about your weight. I don't want to, you know. I don't want, I really could lose quite a few pounds , but I'm comfortable at this weight. I would like to be thinner. It isn't affecting my health at the present time, and I'm not going to be unhappy about it. But if somebody really is, they probably have a lot of other reasons that they've gotten to that weight. I tend to think of people, you know, oh, I've got a big exam coming up. I used to have a ritual when I have big exams, exams in my proof. So it was I ate a pint. Of..not Ben and Jerry's, and then it might have been Baskin Robbins back in the day. But it was a pint of lemon sherbet, lemon sherbet the night before. Well, that cannot have been good for me. But it was part of my ritual. Now, so long as I stuck to just the night before exams, yes, there would be a period when I would have a lot of exams in a row. But most of my life was studying not being examined. So it wasn't too many bouts of lemon sherbet. But but we have those little things here. You come in, you've had a you've had a bad interaction with your boss. You get some some people would reach for alcohol. Yeah, some people would reach for a bag of chips. Yeah, not intended, I'm going to have this bag of chips because my boss was mean to me. But just because it's it's something that for some reason it feels...
Martin Furber 7:37
We take comfort from it
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:38
We take comfort from it.
Martin Furber 7:41
Yeah, we take comfort from it maybe stems from when we're a kid and we trip up and cut our knee and, you know, Mummy will give us a bag of sweets to take our mind off. You know, yeah. distraction from the pain. You know, reward for good behaviour. Yeah, yeah, I mean, without trying to be too sort of Freudian on these things, looking for deep, deep meanings in the past and what have you. But we do we tend to as a society, we tend to use food as a reward, we use it as a comforter, as you say. But you know, with weight loss, I always find there's two types of people that I tend to see and they are either a yo yo Dieter, someone who's either been continually gaining or losing weight, or just somebody else who, like you were describing a few minutes ago, feels uncomfortable, maybe the pounds have just crept on them over the years, they've just become a little less active, and they're eating a little bit more than they're burning off. And it's crept on, you know, maybe a pound a month or something. And before they know it in two years, the best part a couple of stone on. So you've got usually two very, very different sort of types of being overweight there. And two different methodologies of dealing with it. Me, I always say to people straight away, if you consume more calories than you burn off, you will gain weight. If you eat more calories than you need, you will gain weight and then I add to that statement, but you already know that so why aren't you doing it? Yeah. And then they look at me. And then I say, Well, you know, obviously, there's other reasons for it. Let me explain. I explained it to them, it's down to the subconscious, it's that default position that you go to.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:28
So what you're using your hypnosis for, is to put different routines into people's into people's lives. Yeah, you can do a lot of it by yourself. You don't need to go to a hypnotist if you can. If you are able to make yourself a list of things and stick to it. The problem of course, is that when you do it that way, you reach your goal and then you said there's the yo yo Dieter, you Okay, no, I don't do that anymore. But ya know, it needs to be it needs to take on a ritual aspects to it. So it's something that you will always do,
Martin Furber 10:03
It does, and the ritual aspect of it for me is to explain to people if you're overweight, I get them to think about the future, how they will be when they are at the weight they wish to be. And that's what it's about. It's the weight they wish to be not the weight I think is good for them, or a magazine thinks is good for them, whatever weight they wish to be. How will life be then? What will the rituals be? How will things be? What will their diet be like? What will they eat then? What would they do if I waved a wand and all the weight they wanted to lose had disappeared? And it was gone in the morning? How would your life be then? What would you do? And I get them to describe it to me in detail. And then I just explain to them that you can actually start doing that right now. And if you do that if you start living your new life, immediately the weight will come off. Because you will be consuming fewer calories.
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:58
So, part of the what their life looks like is, you would talk to them about actually what they would be eating.
Martin Furber 11:04
Oh yeah, and what are they would be doing? And who would notice it? Once if I could wave a wand and that weight disappeared overnight. What would they then do to maintain that weight, their ideal weight, the weight that they want to be? What would they do? And if they actually, actually implement all those things, immediately, they will lose weight. And they're not going on a diet? They're just living their new life.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:31
Well, they are because the word diet doesn't really mean slimming diet, it used to be attached to other words, and we've just, it's become a pejorative almost instead of actually that which you'll habitually eat.
Martin Furber 11:47
But it's not something that that'll be going on that they come off.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:51
Yes, exactly. It needs to become their ritual, what they really eat it. And the other thing, the thing I get more clients than weight or the way everybody was everybody can fix it. In the long laundry list of things, I want to do better my weight is one of them. Sleep, sleep is the big thing, and having a bedtime routine, especially the aspects of it that are ritual. Turn off the television, go upstairs, clean up all the things that you do, but they don't rise to the level of ritual that we tend to think of, you know, they're not they're not wonderful exhibition sort of stuff, which is, this is what you do. Something weird happened today. And I was rushing to get ready for here as I was running late, got in the shower, and I have my glasses on. Why? Why are my glasses what, what was, what, what distracted me from just automatically taking them off when I was taking off the rest of the things I needed to take them straight out. So such an aberration. I don't think I've ever done that particular odd thing.
Martin Furber 13:03
I've got in the bath with them on once. On one occasion. I can remember doing that. And I remember thinking to myself, What am I doing with glasses on in the bath?
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:12
Why? Why can I see? All this steam.
Martin Furber 13:18
Now you talk about rituals. I mean, this is part of it with people again, when you're trying to help them to get to where they want to be, which is what, you know, it is all about is talking to them about rituals and things, you know, routines, things again, repetition makes the brain feel safe especially if they have had, you know, gotten into bad habits and bad routines, then setting somebody a nice nighttime routine, you know, can be a precursor to a good night's sleep. I mean, you and I
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:52
Usually if you introduced, you need to introduce the elements slowly. This is your entire new thing your subconscious does.
Martin Furber 14:00
Change small steps, small steps every step of the way. I mean, you and I both provide recordings for people to listen to at bedtime. That's always the first step. But also, I mean, I don't know if you do this, I encourage journaling last thing at night. I get people to write down three things from that day that have made them smile or made them feel good. I'm not talking about big things like you know, we went on a night out somewhere, I'm thinking about the small things that might have happened within that night. Like say, say you'd gone to the theatre for example. And you really didn't expect somebody in the queue to make way for you and let you in, and they did you would have got a nice feeling momentarily. It's these little things I get people to write them down because one, it's getting them into a positive frame of mind for bedtime. And two, it gives them a nice list of things to look at at the end of the month. Right, if you want to look back on it?
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:03
On this side of the pond that will probably be called a gratitude journal. Okay. And people would use that either in the morning or at night or in the morning. I tend to use those things in the morning. And I have because I, we tend to see clients who are similar to ourselves, right? I have a lot of clients who can't stop the racing thoughts. Okay, yeah, that's why they can't get to sleep. Yeah. So we basically I use the journaling technique at night, as a brain dump. Okay, everything's there, it's on the paper. You don't have to think about it until the morning when you wake up in the morning, it will be there. And you can sort through what you need. You don't need to be sorting through it as you try to drift asleep and listen to your tape. But five or 10 minutes of doing that. Yeah, don't don't write an essay. Just Oh, no. Bullet. Bullet points. Yeah. What? Yeah.
Martin Furber 15:58
Now see, I sort of explained it as a way of getting these nice thoughts down on paper, you're preparing your brain for sleep, you get in a positive frame of mind, and then listen to a nice relaxation recording. You can listen to nice, soft, gentle music. It's right. You know, but he's whatever works, for you sort of thing, you know, for the person in general.
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:22
Do your clients use headsets? Or do they, depends on how many how many people are in the bed really? And listen to the same same tape.
Martin Furber 16:31
Yeah, and funnily enough, each time, I've asked somebody to listen to the recording and they've had a partner. It's one of the first things I asked is this going to be an issue playing that? And it never has been? I've not come across anybody yet. Who said, you know, it's upset my partner you know, so, yeah, it's not been an issue so far. You watch what will happen now, you've put a curse on it. Now, what other routines? What about morning routines?
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:05
Yes, I have a very definite morning routine. And it's not none of none of the.. all these gurus who tell you to get up at 5am and meditate for umpty-two minutes and then go for a walk and then do that I'd be exhausted by the time I do that. If that's working for you people listening... fine. You need to find a routine that works for you. For me, get up take my medicines, have a coffee sit and watch about 10 minutes of the news just to make sure I haven't missed anything that I need to know about. I'm also not a big fan of the 'We need to stop watching the news!' you know what we need to be part of society you need to know what's going on you don't want to binge bad things but you do need to know what's going on.
Martin Furber 17:50
Yeah, it's that fine balance isn't it between keeping yourself informed or allowing yourself to be overwhelmed with it? Yeah, absolutely. We still need to keep informed we still need to watch the news so..
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:00
That and then shower and get before my computer I mean prayers and things in there but that's it's it's get up whatever you use for gratitude and in my case it's prayer and meds and coffee, then by the time I've done those things, then my coffee has kicked in. I am unfortunately very addicted to caffeine. Just in the mornings I'm a tea drinker the rest of the day, of course there's some caffeine in there.
Martin Furber 18:29
Caffeine in that yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:32
And then so long as I'm on my computer about nine o'clock, unless I've got a quite an early morning client. I do sometimes see people as early as seven but that throws off my morning. But sometimes people were in different time zones I need to seem ridiculous to me, early not usually ridiculous to the, usually it's Australians.
Martin Furber 18:52
I don't think any client would want to speak to me at seven in the morning. I'm not gonna say I'm not a morning person that I'm up early every morning and what around about 5:30 - 6 o'clock but it takes me I would say a good hour and a half to wake up properly. I sleep deeply, I sleep well, and it takes me about an hour and a half and three or four coffees to come around properly. And then it's in the bath and then I do a half hour walk it's well about 40 minutes 20 minutes downhill 20 minutes back uphill. And then I'm ready to face the world.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:26
Yeah, I don't usually go for a walk until around 10 or 11. Usually I work for about an hour and then my walks are very short. I do a few blocks come back start again just to take a break from looking at the screen. Sometimes my walk is things like going to do the laundry. It's Monday today we're recording this so laundry.
Martin Furber 19:47
Laundry! That used to be a tradition didn't it! Laundry day on a Monday. Yeah, all at the wash-house, as we say over here.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:56
Right. I just have to run to my basement and backup a couple of times, that's all.
Martin Furber 20:03
There's a point of interest for our listeners. In America, you tend to have your laundry room separate from your kitchen, don't you? Over here, mainly, it's in your washer and dryer integrated into your fitted kitchen, in recent years they've started building separate utility rooms off the kitchen. But on all in, for example, when you see American programmes, like I'm trying to think of one off the top of my head, Big Bang, Friends, in the apartments, they don't have the washing machines in the kitchens in the apartments do they? They're in the basement of the blocks usually.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:36
Right. Right. Yeah. Usually that's extra space. I don't remember many houses in Britain that really had a basement in the same way that American houses have.
Martin Furber 20:47
No,
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:48
Not all, not all houses here do, It does depend on what your water was a bunch of stuff.
Martin Furber 20:54
Yeah, the older houses tended to have sellers, because that's where you kept the coal going back to Victorian.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:03
Or really Victorian that was where you kept your cooks. People doing the work of the house were down there. Yeah, but we are digressing from hypnosis. But yeah, there's so those those are the rituals, that is, it will niggle at me if I don't get that done? Yeah. So. So that's part of it. It's not that, you know, I've got extra sheets. I don't have to do my sheets today. I can still change the bed. But it's just part of the Oh, it's Monday. Now tomorrow, especially after COVID. I lost track of all days and time. So these little rituals keep you focused.
Martin Furber 21:44
I think for a lot of people, during COVID everything merged into one. The days all merged into each other.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:52
Yeah. And not in a good way.
Martin Furber 21:54
No, no, not at all.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:56
You have the same effect, sometimes when you go on holiday. You forget what day it is, except it's I just got here day and I'm about to go away. Again. They don't really know what they, what's happening. This is outside of your normal routine.
Martin Furber 22:10
Yeah, the thing is that it's in a nice way that isn't it that you lose track of the days because you're just so immersed in the moment enjoying the moment.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:20
Do you find it difficult when you come back from vacation to re engage with the world? Or do you suddenly feel oh, I need a vacation from my vacation.
Martin Furber 22:27
Usually I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation. But also I find it difficult to get my speed back up again. It takes me, you know, some people can arrive back off vacation, raring to go and get stuck straight back in and you know, perform even better than before. Whereas with me now, it takes me about a week to get back into it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:49
Right, who maybe people who've got really strict routines. So they're just you know, I sat at my desk, therefore, I'm reading my email, therefore, I'm doing this therefore, I'm doing that. Obviously, it depends on the work you're doing. I a lot of gurus now telling me you must. You must not check your email till noon. Well, I need to check my email. I have clients, I need to know what they're thinking, that's how they talk to me. But you know, you have to find a routine that works for you.
Martin Furber 23:19
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I check my email frequently throughout the day. One thing I do have to discipline myself on, though, is when you start to check your email and your messages and DMs on various social medias that we're all on, is not to get in the habit of scrolling, because once you start, then it can, an hour can just fly and it's not been productive. And you think, well, that wasn't a good use of an hour.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:46
What, you think it afterwards? Unfortunately, no.
Martin Furber 23:49
You don't think it in the middle of it at all? Yeah, so rituals and routines. But what other things though, do you think make up what we are as humans, what it takes to be human with rituals and routines. Again, going back to food, cooking for your children? That's Yeah, almost ritualistic I'd say.
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:10
Yes, there, that's probably is, you know, Thanksgiving is the big thing here. And, and there's other certain foods and unfortunately, it's always additive. You know, this is what we have. I'm vegan now. But traditionally, it would be a turkey. And for some reason, green bean casserole is a big thing here. So people have that and they have mashed potato and sweet potato and a lot of carbs. But when people come up with a new recipe, they don't take something off the table, they bring something else too it gets more and more and more and more food. Now you can take smaller quantities of each of those foods and still stay within your calorie count somewhere vaguely within the calorie count because honestly a plate of Thanksgiving is probably two meals worth, two days worth of calories.
Martin Furber 25:05
Yeah, same our our big one's a Christmas dinner. It's a similar kind of thing. Yeah, I've noticed over the years is more and more things like now you know you've got your parsnips it as well as your carrots as well as your sprouts as well as whatever else it is these days. Same with well yeah, I think we've always done pigs in blankets, but we just didn't used to call them that. Used to be called sausage and bacon roll when I was a kid. What else on Christmas day? Yeah, it's the same. Yeah, I think part of the main course now. Yeah, like red cabbage with Sultanas and that kind of thing.
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:43
You have to give me the recipe for that, i've never heard of that. Red cabbage yes, sultanas yes but not together.
Martin Furber 25:48
No, no recipe involved buy in a tray ready done at Marks and Spencers.
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:51
Gracious, I wonder what culture that comes from? I'm not sure. So there's that. I'm thinking of things like... I don't know if they were peculiar to my household when I was growing because I grew up in England as you know. Things like Mother's Day, which really should be called mothering Sunday, but it isn't. Mother's Day, we would go to the grannies. Hmm, right. No, of course everone lived close. In the States, Thanksgiving is so big because people come back to their homes because people can be thousands of miles away. Right. So that was part of it. It was a ritual. I saw my Grans multiple times throughout the month, if not the week. But, but you still went to see them with a plant on Mother's Day. And if you didn't do, it would feel weird.
Martin Furber 26:47
Oh yeah, with a plant for Mother's Day, of course. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Going to Grandma's with a plant. Oh, wow, that's just took me right back
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:57
Primroses, primroses, and there's there's another part of it's those little tiny memories. Yeah, you don't realise they're affecting things really.
Martin Furber 27:07
Well, this is it I was explaining to somebody earlier on, talk, talking of rituals and little things in your head. I heard a record at the weekend that I've not heard for donkey's years. And as soon as I heard it being played, it was walking past somewhere, as soon as I heard it being played. I immediately remembered the last time I had heard and seen that record which was on Top of the Pops on television by the Pogues, it immediately took me back to that. And then since then, for the last couple of days, that song keeps popping up in my head every now and again.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:42
Does it take you back there every time you hear it?
Martin Furber 27:45
No, it takes me back to Saturday afternoon when I heard it. That's what it takes me back to. But, but it's I was trying to explain to somebody about how hypnosis works. And I was thinking well, they're, you know, obvious parallel lines that we can draw in the sense that it works in the background. It's, you know, something's happening in the background, and long after you actually hear it. These little positive suggestions that we impart on people pop up, and you know, remind you of what you wanted to achieve and where you want to get to.
Denise Billen-Mejia 28:19
Mm. Music is so huge with memory and smell is also....
Martin Furber 28:23
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, you can walk. I remember walking past somewhere not too long ago. I think it was a bakery. And there was this delicious smell coming out, it immediately took me back to the playground at school, primary school. Same smell. I think there's like a beef stew smell or something like that. immediately took me back to being in the playground at school, which was, ahem, 50 odd years ago.
Denise Billen-Mejia 28:51
Yeah, yes, actually, I do use not really aromatherapy but I recommend if if somebody were seeing me physically in my office, which is rare, but I do occasionally see people I do use sometimes lavender or a smell that they associate with something comfortable. We use that so I encourage people to if they if they know of something that they find how to incorporate that in their bedtime routine. We know that lavender definitely helps. Yeah, loving hops also helps.
Martin Furber 29:27
Yeah, what's the smell? Er valerian is another thing isn't it that can help relaxation and sleep is sorry forgive my ignorance. Is it a flower or something valerian?
Denise Billen-Mejia 29:40
I believe so. But I'd have to go look it up. Just let me look it up right now
Martin Furber 29:45
No I wonder if they do an essential oil from that?
Denise Billen-Mejia 29:48
Yes, they do. Yeah,
Martin Furber 29:51
I would imagine that will promote sleep and as well.
Denise Billen-Mejia 29:54
Valerian root, so it is yeah, it's like cheer for everything. It's one of those. Just not to be disrespectful to valerian. It's been around a while and trying to see if if the smell is from that or if it's from the root itself. No, it is sweetly scented pink or white flowers. All right. So it is from Yeah, I get that. It's European and Asian, but it does grow in the States. So I've seen it a lot, but mostly things like Young Living the biggest central oil companies. That one but lavender is really the old school. Let me know Yeah, well sachets you put under your pillow. Used to do those at school.
Martin Furber 30:35
You're just gonna say we I think we made some of those at school those little felt bags with bits of crushed lavendar inside it. Yeah. Yeah, quite a strong smell to it. Do you know actually what my favourite essential oil smell is? But it's not particularly relaxing. It's lemongrass. I love it. I absolutely adore the smell of it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 30:55
Do you find it? energises?
Martin Furber 30:57
Yes. Very.I find it quite sharp as well. You know, it's one of those things it Yeah, it sort of enthuses it invigorates. It's not a relaxing fragrance.
Denise Billen-Mejia 31:12
I wonder if it's because it's triggering something from your memory though?
Martin Furber 31:17
I have no idea. I have no idea.
Denise Billen-Mejia 31:20
When you smell it? You don't think of anything? Nothing?
Martin Furber 31:23
No, I just I just makes me feel good. Makes me feel motivated. I've never thought about what the reason behind that could be never given any thought. But I if it was up to me, I would have my entire practice smelling lemongrass all the time. But I know other people. Yeah, exactly. But people don't find it relaxing. So
Denise Billen-Mejia 31:47
You do need to be careful when you have the public coming into your office, not something that's going to be upsetting to them in necessarily, no. Now, there are a lot of people who've developed allergies, particularly when people use artificial odours or allergic to the basis rather than the actual ingredient. Do you have do you have any air fresheners and things like that? You use cueing music though don't you?
Martin Furber 32:20
Yeah, yeah, no, I use a vapouriser with essential oils in, so you just put water in it and three or four drops of essential oil. I tend to use frankincense. Yeah, frankincense and Mandarin. Because these they seem to be.. I've yet to find anybody who doesn't like them or would find them offensive. I just think it's nice to have some some kind of aroma in the air.
Denise Billen-Mejia 32:45
Yeah, might be good though, to ask your clients for before they show up the first time if they have any allergies. Perfume? Please don't spray things.
Martin Furber 32:56
Oh, no, I will use it for anything. Music. Well, I use the same.
Denise Billen-Mejia 33:00
I mean, we talked about the earworm. But But do you use backing music for your?
Martin Furber 33:00
I do. Yeah, I use a background music on all the audios that I produce for people to listen to at bedtime. And that same music is playing in the background when they walk into my office
Denise Billen-Mejia 33:18
Do you use the same music for all of your clients, or do you choose music for Okay,
Martin Furber 33:24
I use exactly the same music all the time? Obviously, the recordings are all different. But the music's the same. And just a simple reason. Because the first time I speak to a client either on the phone or on Zoom, I then give them a recording to listen to each night for at least a week before I see them for the first time and then face to face.
Denise Billen-Mejia 33:44
Oh really?
Martin Furber 33:45
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I need them to listen to that. But for a week, gets them used to my voice gets them, hopefully you know sleeping better to begin with before they've even seen me. And the first time they come to see me in my office that music is playing very, very low in the background. And of course that will trigger the subconscious because the subconscious will recognise that there's a nice safe secure sound that they hear when they're in bed
Denise Billen-Mejia 34:09
And it tells them they can let their blood pressure drop out of it even if.. Do you find people are very nervous the first time they come.
Martin Furber 34:19
No actually, not usually because you know we've already had a chat on Zoom or on the phone and they've already opened up to me. No, no, no, maybe sometimes you have clients that will get wound up because of a trouble finding a parking space well that's about it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 34:35
But what I love about working on Zoom people don't have to deal with traffic when they come to see me.
Martin Furber 34:41
No traffic no real travel problems. No parking problems. Yeah, there's there's a lot going for it with zoom. I find it really works really well if people are wearing headphones when it comes to the trance bit because it really cuts out any other noise from their end. Obviously it is something we have no control over what noises they have at their end. If there's other people in the house watching television in another room or something it blocks that out, which is good.
Denise Billen-Mejia 35:10
Anyway, so what other rituals,
Martin Furber 35:12
Rituals? Making a cup of tea for everybody and taking it around? Is that a ritual. Buying everybody a little cake on your birthday, is that a ritual?
Denise Billen-Mejia 35:22
Do we not have coffee ladies in England anymore? Tea ladies that go around to the offices anymore.
Martin Furber 35:28
That's a bit sexist Deinse, Tea Ladies!.
Denise Billen-Mejia 35:30
That's what they that's what they were called.
Martin Furber 35:32
Yeah, I have no idea. I've never worked in a big office with lots and lots of staff.
Denise Billen-Mejia 35:37
How about, let's talk a little bit about the non-helpful while maybe not not helpful, I was thinking OCD just popped into my head. People with OCD, it's a means of control, although why counting lampposts would be useful. But those are things that people do. And those kinds of rituals are things that they usually, by the time they get to one of us want to get rid of. Because yeah, it's impacting their life in a negative way.
Martin Furber 36:07
Yeah, or somebody who wants to walk around the house checking every light switch 28 times before.
Denise Billen-Mejia 36:13
Not wants to - Has to. If they don't, if they skip a bit. They've got to start all over again.
Martin Furber 36:21
Yeah. Yeah. You know, in my training, we were taught that anything like that, is exacerbated by, if not caused by stress. And, you know, it's when he when it comes to OCD. You know, each therapy has its own merits, obviously, and it's not my place to comment on others. Certainly not in a critical way. But I think the way sort of, we do things as hypnotists is a lot kinder than some other methods,
Denise Billen-Mejia 36:52
Right. But we do need to make sure that we're addressing what the real problem is. Certainly, I like, you can help somebody obliterate a habit. But if the habit is there for something really deeper, that needs to be more. Yeah, you do need to like I told you, I have a client who has seen me for two or three different issues. And now she saw me for something she's Yeah, I think there's something else going on here. Yeah, too. So she's, she is now going entirely with my blessing to hypnotherapist, sorry, a psychotherapist. She had, obviously, you know, before I see any client, I have a conversation with their doctor; communication with their physician. So, and I knew she had seen a therapist before for other issues. So there's no conflict in that. But and I'm pretty sure she'll come back to to get little odds and ends tweaked with hypnosis, for those things that work. I'm really glad that she's chosen to go and talk to a therapist.
Martin Furber 37:58
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, this, this is the thing that with, when you say about people coming to see for multiple things. It's also with us, it's like, it's only an issue for the client, if it's an issue for the client. It's for the client to identify what they want sorting out, what they want help with. And this is it. I think some of it though, is, as a client gets more familiar with you, and becomes to trust you more that it's not that they're finding other things to tell you about it's that they feel willing to share them with you. Yeah, they want to open up. I think that's a lovely note for us to finish on this week, for our listeners.
Denise Billen-Mejia 38:40
Thank you, well, and we will be talking to them again next week, we will probably be us and somebody else possibly because we do have a few, a few people who are going to be coming in talking about their particular interest in hypnosis.
Martin Furber 38:54
We do have a few lined up. So you'll have to join us next week to find out if it's just Denise and I or if we've got somebody else with us. Thanks for joining us.
Denise Billen-Mejia 39:03
Thank you. Bye bye.
All right. We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 39:28
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
