Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two Hypnotherapists Talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who would like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis, and the benefits it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist,
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor turned consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapists talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode.
Hi Martin,
Martin Furber 0:40
Hey Denise, do you know what we're up to episode six already? Can you believe it?
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:43
Well done. We're talking about stress but or what it what does that word mean? Because it means different things to different people. But, you know, even this podcast, which I really enjoy me, it's fun. Talk to you far more than I thought when we first planned this, we would just get together and chat. We know it's way more than that. But even good stress is stress. And so I think that it's it's worth mentioning and and talking about that. So what do you what's the most common reason that people come to you where stress is mentioned,
Martin Furber 1:25
Stress usually is because people are overwhelmed too many things happening at once that stretch them, take them out of their comfort zone or too many things that are happening that are all unusual things. One-off events. I mean, a wedding can be stressful. A really nice occasion. But nevertheless very, very stressful.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:47
Right? Particularly if it's your own. Yes. Anything, anything to do with the planning of a wedding, that can be very stressful or planning for anything, because there's so many moving parts.
Martin Furber 2:00
So, so let's say a house move. That's one of the most stressful things, isn't it? We're told
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:04
It does indeed, even though it may be much wanted. And a good thing? Of course, it can sometimes not be but, but for the most part, people plan for it. Excuse me, and they you know, they want to... We always tell ourselves, oh, I'm going to declutter, is that's part, that's part of the stress, you know, it's going through your memories and looking at all of those things. Do you, do you get people coming to you who are are bothered or stressed by clutter?
Martin Furber 2:41
I can't, I can't think of one off the top of my head in particular stressed by clutter specifically, no, but stress through overwhelm yes.
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:49
Yes, In the mind, yeah.
Martin Furber 2:52
One person described their desk where they work as being really cluttered and nothing's in order. And this, that and the other. They said that they felt their mind was exactly the same.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:02
Yeah, that's a good metaphor.
Martin Furber 3:04
Go tidy your desk then.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:07
Right. And that's the thing, we tend to want to fix everything at one time. Yeah, you know, we don't have magic wands, we're just gonna start in one place and work on one thing, and then maintain that one thing.
Martin Furber 3:20
Yeah, that's it. That's the trick. Yeah. I mean, I always say with anything, if you if you're at a crossroads where you want to start making improvements or changes, work out how you can maintain where you are, first of all, and then pick one thing to improve on, to progress with so it's because the trick is managing to maintain everything at the same time, before you can step forward. Some people are still trying to get their heads above water in terms of maintaining everything that they have to maintain, you know, twisting all the plates they need to twist in their life.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:54
Right, I do think that sometimes it's sort of almost as if they're trying to outrun the stress. So they're gonna move to the next thing before they finished this. Yeah,
Martin Furber 4:03
I've never thought of it like that. Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:05
Yeah. So there is most, most commonly I mean people who come to me because they want to lose weight, for example, sounds like well, that should be just because you're eating too much and you're but why are you eating too much it is stress part of it? It does wreak havoc with your hormones which wreaks havoc with your, with your appetite and, and your ability to exercise out so many aspects where stress can be... You could help with stress, even if the stressor is still there it is your attitude to that stress that really hypnosis can help with as can many mindful practices.
Martin Furber 4:45
Yeah, I mean, I always say in terms of stress and anxiety. It's not the stressor as you call it, the thing that's causing the problem, it's the way you think about that problem that causes the stress. Ie, let's take a house-move something like that. If every time you think about every single thing that's involved in the house move you, you're getting overwhelmed it's your reaction to that. Not everybody gets stressed out with moving house. Some people take it in their stride, some people are very methodical or write down the 15 important things that need to be done and go through it like clockwork, other people aren't that well organised.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:25
I think, I think that's very often when it's something that's new to you. People who are in the military get moved every five minutes, it feels like I'm sure. So they become extremely good at moving and it stays with them when they're out of the forces. They're always going to be right on know exactly. But it's still stressful, because there's still you've got to deal with all of the, the packing and am I forgetting this? And did I remember to cancel the electric and have I managed to remember to turn it on at the next place, I'm going to be all of those things. But it's also the stress of, if it's a significant move, it's not just moving to the next street, you've got to have new friends, and make sure that you've told all your old friends and now you're gonna have to find schools for the children, there are so many moving parts, but without a good list. You're sunk.
Martin Furber 6:17
What about over there as well, it's not just a matter of moving areas, some people move inter-state and then it's different rules and regulations and change. Say you moved from your state to California, would you need to change your driving licence?
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:31
From here to Pennsylvania, which is 20 minutes up the road, the state is different. You get three months of living in the new state before you, you have to change your licence. And you must register your car in the new state. I assume it's pretty much the same as your, I think it'll be easier for people to think of the United States as the European Union. They're unified, but they're very different rules on certain things.
Martin Furber 6:57
When we were still in the EU, for example, yeah, we could move easily to say Spain or Portugal, but all the things like a driving licence and car, you'd have to change that. Yeah, a new country. Yeah. So yeah, that would be stressful, I would imagine,
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:17
Right? The biggest stress is trying to figure out when their opening times are and can you take time off work to go stand in line?
Martin Furber 7:25
Yeah. Yeah, as I say, I could imagine being well stressed out. I've had to go through all that as well as the normal things in a house move.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:34
You do get you do get three months I have.
Martin Furber 7:37
What other things cause stress? One thing that hits me straightaway is uncertainty. I think that can cause a lot of stress.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:46
Well, that's you're uncertain in a move. Anything, which isn't exactly the same as yesterday, is stress, right? Because everything that happens to you, the good and the bad is the stressor. So I'm not as benign perhaps as the mailman arriving, that's hardly as stressed, but depends on what you think is going to be in the mail. Some letters can be very stressful.
Martin Furber 8:11
Well, yeah, many of you if you're dreading a letter off the bank or a bill from the taxman, yeah, you're going to be sat there, dreading the postman arriving every day. So yeah, it's that uncertainty, though, isn't it? We do like repetition we like...
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:30
Right, and we like even the bad stuff, more than the unknown good stuff. Because it might not turn to, you know, you look forward to something, it's going to be wonderful. It's going to be wonderful. And for some people, yes, it's wonderful. But, but even then, until it happens, it isn't real. So you know, your subconscious is saying, Stay here, stay here where it's safe, where we know what's going on, don't, don't change. Which is stressful.
Martin Furber 8:59
Is that why do you think people may bury their heads in the sand to use a metaphor? When big changes are happening and leave things to the last minute? Then we're overwhelmed.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:10
Yeah, until it's inevitable, and it's actually happening. They don't want to deal with it. Yes. I think that very much is the case. not consciously obviously, this is, this is just the way that for reasons maybe like, you know, people have people forget dentist appointments, That used to be the traditional thing that people forgot because it's something that they're not really looking forward to. So it's just like, it's not really happening.
Martin Furber 9:33
Yeah, conveniently forget it. Yeah. But on the other hand, though, isn't stress a motivator?
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:41
Well, with that stuff, it's not necessarily bad stress. So yes, everything. Anything that's it's like the object it's an at rest doesn't act until something acts upon it. Without, without something telling you to get up in the morning. To go downstairs, to go to work without something acting on you you'd sit like a lump. Yeah. And so we need to think, we need to think of stress as just things which are happening. And we need to change the way we respond to that stress. It's the anxiety about it. It's the, I can't cope. I can't cope. I can't cope. I can't cope. Yes, you can just take a deep breath. And there are so many people who can help you with all of those things. If you have a weird letter from a tax man, there are people to deal with weird letters from tax man at the Tax Office, there's an ombudsman, attorneys, there's lots of ways that you can address it physically. But there's also the emotional side of it, of just taking a deep breath and realising it's just one more thing. And you can get through these things one step at a time.
Martin Furber 10:55
Yeah, that's, that's something though. Again, we're talking about overwhelm if people just leave things, and leave things and they get to the point of overwhelm.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:06
Well, I think that's I think that's what they're speaking when they say I'm stressed. They mean, I'm overwhelmed. They don't mean that something happened, because something happens every day. Many times. It's, it's their response to stress.
Martin Furber 11:19
And those those responses can then encourage, you know, repetitive negative thinking cycles. Because if you keep telling yourself, you can't do something, you can't do something, you're going to believe it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:31
You can't do it, exactly. So yeah, also the other the part of it too, is I don't have time, I don't have time, well, just 24 hours a day for every single person on the planet. Yeah, doesn't matter whether they change the time this week or not. It's still 24 hours. And there are ways. For a, start, getting a decent night's sleep. Some stay up until three o'clock in the morning to get something done. Get a decent night's sleep, you can tackle something so much easier if you're well rested.
Martin Furber 11:58
Yeah, I mean, this is where I'm now, just for the benefit of our listeners and viewers. Thinking about the difference between for example, hypnotherapy and say life coaching. Your life coach might be able to teach you how to do these things with your bills separately and deal with that kind of thing. But, from a hypnotherapist-hypnotist point of view, where would we step in, it would be to relax people enough to be able to put things in perspective and see these things for themselves.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:30
Which is very, very similar to what a life coach does, they don't, well they shouldn't fix things. They are there to help you realise that you've got the resources within you, they just achieve that somewhat more slowly than hypnosis does. It's a lot of hypnosis is coaching. spend time talking to people just allowing them to recognise their own resources. And of course, once they've recognised them in hypnosis, then we can then feed them back to them so that the subconscious hears the message as well as their conscious.
Martin Furber 13:05
Yeah, I mean, I always think it's interesting to see. I don't know if you notice this with your clients? I always find it interesting to see what I call the lightbulb moment when the penny suddenly drops with them that yes, I can deal with this I can sort this
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:21
For the real excitement that they call you back a couple of days after a session said 'I did the thing'.
Martin Furber 13:29
Yeah, or texts telling me 'I've done this I've done that'. that's always great to hear. But yeah, ah stress, they say stress is a killer.
I mean, if somebody is...
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:41
Our response to stress, yeah,
Martin Furber 13:43
Our response to it. If somebody is totally stressed, then again, from me, you're a medical doctor. From, from a medical doctor's knowledge and point of view, you've got all sorts happening in your body. If you're stressed haven't you
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:56
Yeah, adrenaline it.and cortisol levels.
Martin Furber 14:01
I mean, it can, it can cause an imbalance with the gut biome can't it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:07
Oh, it throws everything off. Yeah. Yeah. And really, if people this is why it, mindfulness has become so popular. But, but unfortunately, it tends not to be done properly. If you really study yoga, and if you study meditation, and you do this in a regular way, it will help. But it tends to be "Well, I went to meditation last week". No this is something you do every day.
Martin Furber 14:36
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's the same with yoga. I don't do it. I've never done it, but I've watched it. And or course all the breathing exercises are there the sense of calm, sure it'll lower your blood pressure? Sure, it will, you know, slow your heart rate down and get you into a good place. But again, it's something you know, you've got to do on a regular basis, something you've got to maintain.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:59
Which is you know, I'm in a sense true of hypnotherapy. And I'm not suggesting that it's not particularly with things like weight loss. Okay, we can talk about it, we'll, we'll get you into it to a space that's good for you. But you can still override that by bad habits. You can still decide, oh, well, I've been hypnotised. I'm losing weight. I'm gonna go and eat a chocolate cake. We do, we do have to help our subconscious sometimes can't just say...
Martin Furber 15:26
Well, yeah, I mean, anybody who's trying to override hypnosis and the hypnosis isn't going to work. Is it? Exactly if they're consciously resisting it, because as we know, we've said it many times, you can't be hypnotised unless you want to be. If you want to be if you're a willing participant, if you trust the process, then yeah, Oh boy oh boy can you be hypnotised.
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:50
And it can make a huge difference to your stress levels, but I really think the biggest, biggest bang for your buck is to get a decent night's sleep.
Martin Furber 16:00
Absolutely. Yeah, well, I do it with every client...
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:04
Several nights sleep, I say a decent night's sleep. But continuing on, every night,
Martin Furber 16:09
I do from from my initial consultation onwards, my clients are given a recording to listen to every night to help them sleep better. Everything does start with a good night's sleep. It's it's one of those things, and I found this with all sorts of treatments. It's the simplest things that seem to have the greatest effect. A good night's sleep. Get a good night's sleep, everything will function better. Eat breakfast, even if you don't normally eat breakfast, eat breakfast. You know, break that fast, basically, in the morning it brings the stress levels down, you're not in Hunter-Mode, once you've eaten something. That's the way I think I like to explain it. Because especially again, with weight loss, people think, oh, yeah, I've gone a whole day without eating it's great. And then they just pig-out at nighttime. Worst thing you could possibly do!
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:58
As part of that part of that is taking the time to eat properly you know, sit down, have your meal, and then do something else don't do that while scrolling through your email or driving the car to work. That's not really what you're talking about. It's not just the caloric intake, it's taking time. Really, I think the biggest thing is, and this is where life coaching comes in, as well as hypnosis is honouring your physical and emotional needs. And so that if, if you've got you know, you've got a whole lot on your plate, honouring yourself enough to say, No, I am not taking on this additional task. Now, the tax man's letter, yes, you probably gonna have to pay some attention to that. But there's always a time thing, you don't have to respond to it immediately. You have to make sure you put it in your diary and you make sure you make the right appointments. But it tasks switching is not efficient. So if you're going to deal with something, I deal with that thing, and then move to the next thing and deal with that thing. Even if it's pieces of that thing for blocks of time.
Martin Furber 18:06
Yeah, absolutely. So we're talking about not multitasking, right? Going from one thing to another. Excuse me.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:14
Over and over. When people are in overwhelm. That's what they tend to do is they're just going and this and this and this and this and this. And and nothing's happening. You just spinning the wheels. Yeah,
Martin Furber 18:22
They're trying to do six things at once. And they won't do any of them successfully.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:27
And it makes it feel worse. Yeah.
Martin Furber 18:30
I always describe that as like having 20 tabs open on the internet. You've flicking from one to the other one to the other and you're not bothering to just relax. Concentrate on one thing. Watch one podcast or whatever.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:42
And you've slowed your computer's speed. Yeah, as well. Which is also happening with your mind while this is going on. Yeah.
Martin Furber 18:49
I mean, I like analogies with computers and minds, actually.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:53
Yeah, yeah. But that's, what what did we do before computers came along? Aside from not being able to do this talk to somebody across the ocean so easily?
Martin Furber 19:03
Yeah. Still never ceases to amaze me. Absolutely, being the generation I am. I can remember the pocket calculator being invented. Just going back,
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:15
Here's another thing you're laughing and that's another thing that really helps with stress. Yeah, and anxiety and we'll just even... Have you ever taken a laughing yoga? That was very big a little while ago. You can tell me it's not yoga. It's actually a bit it's laughing. You just laugh. You just fake laugh. And eventually if you do it for long enough, it becomes genuine. And because you would also cheat, get YouTube and find something you know is going to make you laugh, just watch it. But it is just the act of laughing oxygenation and it will reduce your stress levels. So here's a letter. Here's a letter from the taxman. But yeah, do that for a little bit and and get on with it.
Martin Furber 20:01
Yeah. As well, I realised that when you're smiling rather than laughing you're not doing all the physical things that you do when you laugh, nice deep hearty breathing. But right. They do say don't they if you can force a smile. It's sort of reverse-engineers itself logically, rather than you think you're nice thoughts and you smile if you smile.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:22
However, I have a caveat. You need to say that to yourself, do not say to somebody else, smile. This is..no for yourself. Tell yourself to smile. Or smile at somebody because it's usually reciprocal. Yeah, I mean, it's like a yawn. If you smile at somebody, they'll tend to smile back. If you yawn the person will yawn.
Martin Furber 20:47
That that's the thing, though, isn't it? You know, if you're out somewhere, and just unexpectedly, I'm not talking in a creepy way now, but unexpectedly; somebody smiles at you that you perhaps didn't expect to. Maybe you've gone in a shop and the shopkeeper's got a stern face, you know, that type of person. But when you actually go up to the counter, they give you a lovely smile. And don't you think that makes you feel better? Absolutely, yeah, like you say, yawning is contagious smiles can be as well though. Yeah, yeah. Always makes me feel better if I get a smile. Absolutely. When I'm not expecting it. Like, that can make me feel really good. Or if you've done something nice for somebody, like held the door open, and they really give you a smile of appreciation, you know, that they're pleased somebody's doing something nice for them.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:31
Which is really a reminder to take all of the little tiny, good things that happen today, that can go on, you know, they've been a lot of viral videos of people picking up a piece of litter that inspires somebody to do that. Another nice thing and inspire somebody to do another nice thing, this is ripple effect across people's lives. But this is true in your household too, you know, the kids are probably stressed if you're moving house, because they don't know where they're going either. Even if they are only going a street over, that can be very stressful. So everybody's attitude is going to affect everybody else's attitude. And it's the attitude to stress. That's the issue, not the stress itself.
Martin Furber 22:12
So when we're stressed, and anxious, you know, we're more likely to be operating from the primitive side of our brains, aren't we we're more likely to be on red alert, looking out for trouble and what have you.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:27
Yeah, but because it's that sense of overwhelm. And there's danger everywhere in that case. So ringing phones when you're not expecting them to, or pings on your phone more commonly than rings these days.
Martin Furber 22:45
But if we're on guard, and we're operating from that side of the mind, then you know, for the benefit of our listeners, we're talking about the primitive side of the brain, what's commonly known as the fight flight side of the brain. When we're operating from that side of the brain, then we then start to think more negatively anyway, because that side of the brain doesn't reason things out. does it, doesn't think logically?
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:07
No, it's not supposed to. It's not it's not intended to do that it's intended to respond with it with a danger response, if it's appropriate, somewhere in your primitive mind for you to run you'll run, even if it's or, or freeze.
Martin Furber 23:25
Or freeze,
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:28
Or start yelling at people.
Martin Furber 23:29
Yeah, anger. Well, anger is just a primitive form of self defence, isn't it to scare off our enemies. But if, if we freeze, that's because the fight or flight side of the brain has given the other side of the brain a chance to suss-out what's happening to, you know, ascertain what the problem is, if it is a problem. That's why...
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:49
So use that to take a deep breath and actually think through the problems - Not say Ahhh
Martin Furber 23:56
Responding to something. Yeah, I mean, that's why if we're in a restaurant, and everybody's laughing and joking and eating away. And we suddenly hear a big loud bang crash because the waiters dropped a tray full of glasses or dishes, everybody will instantly go quiet won't they? Well, maybe apart from the person suffering with PTSD from Afghanistan or something. But generally, everybody else will go hush- quiet for what 20-30 seconds. That's the reaction from everybody in there because their fight flight freeze side of the brain switched it over to the other side.
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:26
But you're right, anybody who is hyper-vigilant because of something else in their life, and it doesn't have to be from actual fighting will tend to jump. Yeah, and and then, you know, almost instantaneously then sit back down again. But this are some people who have the phone rings, they immediately jump. The doorbell rings, they, you know, thinks that something major is happening two-foot off the ground. And then they come back to themselves but those are the people who are hyper-vigilant that they aren't. they have an anxiety problem. So they're just gonna stay worried all the time. For example, I cannot help but notice when Facebook keeps messaging me things off the side of the screen. I don't want the messages like, well.
Martin Furber 25:17
Like, I though, when you get a little pings coming up from nowhere now, so I'm just trying to, excuse me, I explained things for the benefit of our listeners and viewers. So we're in that state of heightened alert, hyper-vigilance, we are going to react far more quickly, and we're going to react without thinking to things. Almost, maybe not appropriately. Yeah, inappropriately. Yeah. So talking about the kind of person who is prone to hit first and ask later, when confronted with a stressful situation...
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:50
Or the mother with small children who screams when they do something typical for small children. But that problematic, to them at the time.
Martin Furber 25:58
Or the Mother's that stressed out because of being overwhelmed with everything she has to do.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:03
Yeah, looking after her children, and probably not sleeping well.
Martin Furber 26:06
Yeah, yeah. Again, yeah, not as well. Yeah, definitely not sleeping well with a newborn. Again, just getting back on topic stress. They say stress is a killer. Stress is something that we can't avoid the stressors.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:21
No but we can change our attitude now what would you what do you do when somebody says they're feeling overwhelmed or panicky? Do you use grounding exercises?
Martin Furber 26:32
Grinding exercises?
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:35
Grounding excercises, sorry for the accent grounding.
Martin Furber 26:39
Have to talk more British Denise! Grounding exercises? Can you define that more clearly? Because I've probably know them by a different name.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:51
Yes, exactly. It's it's things like taking a deep breath, and naming five things that you can see. And four things that you can hear and those sorts of things. Just being being aware of the real place that you are the time Yeah, yeah. Helps to ground you.
Martin Furber 27:09
Yeah, absolutely. I do that. Yeah. I don't call them grounding exercises though. So that's a new name for me. Thank you for that, I'll add it to my vocabulary. Yeah, I mean, excuse me, the most common thing you know, with stress is something your grandma used to say to you, it was always the thing, you know, if you're in an argument, stop and count to 10, before you respond and say something you might regret. It's so true, because that's, you know, a grounding exercise does the same kind of thing. Obviously, it's more detailed. With a grounding exercise where it's observe five things, you can see four things, you can hear three things, you can smell, whatever, you're actually distracting yourself from the stress, right, as well, you're distracting your mind the same as when you start counting.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:56
That's, that's the things to remind you that know you're here. This is what's going on right now. Yeah.
Martin Furber 28:03
Yeah, I mean, that's perfect for when you encounter something stressful, but to get the stress down long term chronic stress. That's, you know, that's more to do with the hypnotherapy side of things rather than the, giving the client advice. You can really, if you couldn't just get somebody who perhaps isn't sleeping well at nighttime, and he's that wound-up, and they come in to you, and you can get them to relax, get them to just... for the hour that they're there, forget the troubles in the world, and really concentrate on them having some time for themselves. And then really sort of, you know, take them away to a nice pleasant place in their own mind. And really, you know, really get in there with them. Help them to take that step back. So they can really switch off those, those negative thoughts while while they're in session.
Denise Billen-Mejia 28:56
And teach them how to do that all the days between sessions. So that they repeat that experience. And so it becomes something that your sub-conscious expects you to do I expect you to be able to return to baseline and be relaxed and get a decent night's sleep.
Martin Furber 29:14
Well, absolutely. I mean, we've discussed this before, I always give my clients a recording to listen to every night anyway, to help them get to sleep and to help them get better quality sleep. Because as we all know, is that REM part of the night, where your mind's sorting it's little filing cabinet out, which is how I always like to define it. Interesting. Something might be interesting for our listeners and viewers here is on the same subject of REM sleep, how hypnosis sort of replicates that doesn't it? When somebody's in trance. You can, I always observe it do you? When they've got their eyes closed and you can see the movement underneath the eyelids. Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 29:58
Yeah, well, they're using their imagination. They're having a little semi-conscious dream. I do think that people need to remember that, that stress is often good. Even the stuff that feels bad at the time can often lead to good outcomes. Yeah. And it is our attitudes and our ability to pick ourselves up, back up, ask for help, when appropriate, not have other people do this stuff for you. Sometimes, sometimes it's needed. You know, having a heart attack is pretty stressful, nice if the cardiologists can help with that rather than do it yourself. But it's, it's asking for appropriate help. And, and trusting that help. Because a lot of the hyper-vigilance is not trusting other people. You're, you're just Everything's bad. Everything's bad. Everything's bad, and not trusting that it's gonna get better.
Martin Furber 30:51
Huh? Have you ever had it where something you you've expected to be stressful? And was stressful? But you got all the way through it? You get a fantastic feeling afterwards when you've actually done it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course, even though it was stressful at the time afterwards, you think
Denise Billen-Mejia 31:07
That's an example. That's, that's the example of the good, the good stress - that doesn't look like it? Yeah, if you say you have an audition, that's terribly stressful, but the, but what you're looking forward to, it's phenomenal. Having a baby, very, very stressful. Once they arrive. Wonderful.
Martin Furber 31:27
I would have said once they arrive 18 more years of stressful!
Denise Billen-Mejia 31:30
That too! There's a lot of give and take in these things. But I think that's I mean, right now what's going on in Britain right now, it's a lot of people who are experiencing grief, with the death of the Queen, and it reminds them of the deaths of the other people they love. And then it's very stressful. But it's, it's also cathartic. I think that it's a sharing of stress, not not going out and making other people miserable, too. But but just inviting other people to help you to be in a community with people. Yeah, that's having people you can talk to Yes, yeah, that's really important. Which, of course, is part of the stress, when you go back to moving, are you going to be able to maintain those relationships? Much, much more than we used to be able to? When I came to America, I got to talk to my Mum once a month. Nowadays, you'd be able to talk to them several times a day, face to face. Yeah. But so a lot of those things are able to, but it's not the same as as actually being in person. And so you need to build a new network where you move to, which is stressful, and it's the good stress of meeting a new person, will they like me? Won't they like me? Will I like them? You know, where they... Will the children like each other, but I will hate the mother.
Martin Furber 32:53
If you're looking at basic terms, if you if you're using that, that analogy, it's a bit like switching tribes if we go back, because I always like to use the sort of caveman scenario or cave 'person'. You know, it's like, switching tribes, isn't it? And then again, is the unknown, and building a new one? Yeah, building a new well, having to fit in somewhere, which again, it's one of those basic things we're all programmed to try to fit-in aren't we.
Denise Billen-Mejia 33:21
Which can... and suppressing parts of you that you think may not be acceptable to the new tribe, could be very stressful as part of the deal.
Martin Furber 33:30
Well, there's that old saying, isn't it? How many personalities do you have? Well, how many friends do you have?
Denise Billen-Mejia 33:36
Different facet of your personality? Each one? Yeah. But some of that is needing to recognise that you have the right to your opinion, not necessarily shoving it down other people's throats. But you do have the right to your opinion, to value your own thoughts and your own needs as much as other people's. Not selfishly, but to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. And again, we go back to eating properly, sleeping properly. Exercising, aside from unpacking boxes if we're moving, but also going for a walk around the neighbourhood to get some bike-ride if you'd like that kind of thing.
Martin Furber 34:12
Well, that could be a good start to getting connected. going for a walk around the neighbourhood. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I mean, it's when we talk about the all basic human needs, isn't it? We need to feel understood. We need to feel connected. We need, we need to feel heard. And you know, a basic human thing is we all I always like to feel a part of something. Well, that's brought us to the end of yet another episode Denise. Time for us to take our leave. So I shall say tatty-bye to you for now.
Denise Billen-Mejia 34:44
Bye. Good evening to you Sir! And we'll meet again very soon.
Martin Furber 34:50
Okay. All right. Thanks for listening. Bye bye.
Denise Billen-Mejia 35:01
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 35:17
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
