Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:15
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who would like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis and the benefits it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor turned consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapists talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode.
Martin Furber 0:39
I think we're only one episode away from the end of the series, aren't we, series two. So I've got what looks like some good news today Denise.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:49
What was that sir?
Martin Furber 0:51
I think I'm being syndicated.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:54
Oh good.
Martin Furber 0:55
Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:55
Where do you think you will syndicate to?
Martin Furber 0:59
Yeah, well into the neighbouring county across the other side of the Pennines, into Yorkshire because I'm in Lancashire of course.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:07
Yorkshire is one of the biggest counties there is.
Martin Furber 1:08
It is.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:09
Is it is it landmass? Or is it population and his landmass?
Martin Furber 1:14
It's size because because you've got like West Yorkshire, Yorkshire, South Riding, North Yorkshire, but Yorkshire as a whole is massive.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:22
But for those who are not familiar with British geography, including those in Britain, it's one of the ones we, well, it's one of the ones we know. Right. There's certain counties in this country, is it a county? I don't know. But that one people know, if only for Downton Abbey.
Martin Furber 1:37
Yeah. Yeah. God's own country, Yorkshire, they call it on and then of course, we've got Yorkshire Tea.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:44
Oh good. Do you know do you know when that will come to pass?
Martin Furber 1:47
I'm not sure I just got an email this afternoon from somebody interested in syndicating my existing column.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:54
What's the name of your existing column?
Martin Furber 1:57
Well, it's mental health and well-being with Martin Furber in the Lancashire Telegraph.
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:01
Yeah, is that a decision for the editor and they sort of bring you along for the ride? Do you sort of get...Does your article belong to you still? Or does it belong to the Telegraph.
Martin Furber 2:06
As far as I know, it belongs to them, because I just write it for them. And that's it. I don't put any copyright sign on it. Because all I'm trying to do is increase people's knowledge on mental health and well-being and stop the stigma. I don't particularly write about hypnosis, I write about causes of things that you know, can upset us can affect our mental well-being. Obviously, I'm, you know, I'm not a doctor, I'm a therapist, but I work in helping people to feel better. I describe things that make people not feel good. And I describe ways of making yourself feel better, and general ways of looking after your mental health and well-being and physical health and well-being.
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:53
And of course this week, you also add another little checkbox too, you should talk about that a little bit.
Martin Furber 2:59
Well, yeah, you mean, now I'm a qualified mental health first aider?
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:05
Because you're going to be...
Martin Furber 3:06
Yeah, because I'm going to be teaching the mental health first aid course, by the end of May. By the time I've got all my additional tool belt qualifications, which is great, because I'm going to be teaching it, on behalf of Positive Action in the Community, which is a charity in East Lancashire, who are funded by Lancashire County Council. And it's a way of getting this training out there free of charge for people, there's no charge for it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:35
That's great!
Martin Furber 3:36
Because currently to go on one of the mental health first aid courses as a delegate, people are paying around about 300 pound mark, to get that qualification as a Mental Health First Aider.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:48
And these are, people, they take that qualification because they're in a workplace that has X number of people and so they need one. Or is it also for people just want to know?
Martin Furber 4:00
People who want to know. People involved in other organisations, think about, say a Girl Guides leader.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:07
Yeah,
Martin Furber 4:08
She could be a Mental Health First Aider, then she would have more knowledge in the signs to look out for how to offer assistance, how to offer support and information and you know, signpost them.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:04
Because
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:22
yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:22
But But Martin dear, are you practising self care?
Martin Furber 5:16
I am. I am. Yes.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:18
How much self care are you going to need very soon?
Martin Furber 5:22
Well, that's what I say it's encroaching into my evenings, and on my Saturday mornings, Sunday is absolutely sacred. Not for religious reasons. But for other ones.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:33
But both of you are off, so you can do...?
Martin Furber 5:35
So yeah, yeah. Saturday morning, I don't mind actually doing client sessions, Saturday morning on Zoom, I find it, again, it may be again, the subconscious, isn't it? Because it's a day that I don't associate with the normal stresses and strains of phone calls and emails and things. I quite enjoy doing the client sessions on a Saturday morning, I just sit there and talk and, you know, give therapy and enjoy it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:01
Okay, and during the week, Monday through Friday, do you have any blocked out time? That's absolutely yours?
Martin Furber 6:08
No, not at the moment, and not for the next two months. But after that I will do because the next two months, I'm on that many different courses that I have to do to get all these different qualifications. Once I've got those, I'm more or less going to be setting my own hours. I will be deciding on what days the courses will be, and at what times. So if it could be, you know, from one till five in the afternoon, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, which would be perfect.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:39
Right? That's for each individual class that you're giving
Martin Furber 6:42
Yeah, yeah. 'Cos that two day course is split over four half-days.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:46
Right. I just think as the as the practices are, I mean, that you've only just started at one of them, and you're getting loads of people, you've got another person who's referring to your private practice. Admittedly, those are clients that you're at being able to help it very rapidly.
Martin Furber 7:04
Yeah, yeah, so far...
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:06
You can talk about that bit too, because I think it is a fascinating, niche.
Martin Furber 7:09
It is, but I'd rather that, just leave that sitting where it is at the moment, because it's such a very personal. Very, very personal thing to the clients involved. I really wouldn't want to discuss it on air at the moment.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:30
No, but I think it is... You could discuss it without without outing any particular client. It's an actual thing. And it's certainly pertinent in a lot more counties than Lancashire.
Martin Furber 7:43
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. But I am finding that fascinating and enjoyable. Because, again, this is with certain things with hypnotherapy. I mean, as you know, we all have different ways of operating it. So for example, you seem to do your your best work in two sessions flat because of the way you do your hypnotherapy in your style. Or your methodology. Should I say, whereas me usually it's around six sessions. That's how I pace things out. Maybe, you know...
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:17
Well we do have slightly different audiences.
Martin Furber 8:19
Yeah, yeah, we all have our own ways of doing things. These ones I've been doing, in this particular methodology, it's like one or two sessions Yeah, I think it's more a question of, I'd like to see a few more of these get exactly the same results before...
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:38
Yes, yes. But of course these are also people who are seriously committed to change
Martin Furber 8:43
Well, yeah. About as serious as you can get, I would say.
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:51
Yes, it's good. So I mean, really, things have have exploded for you in the last few months. This is definitely your year, 2023 is absolutely.
Martin Furber 8:59
Yours too! I siad it at the beginning of this year, this will be both our years, I did say that!
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:05
You did indeed, and things are moving forward for me too. Not as exponentially as for you but they are...
Martin Furber 9:11
But they are aren't they? What what else have you been up to? I know you've got this new sleep course.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:17
Well, yes, I have the new the sleep piece, which is a piece of larger programme. I do see clients specifically for for sleep, but sleep is so fundamental, but it has to be part of any major programme. So the one that will launch in a couple of weeks is Be Radiant, which is all about self-acceptance and changing the things you can change, and deciding what what is it that you want to change. And a lot of people have never really, I see a lot of older women, not necessarily old like me, but you know they've their kids are growing up now. They're coming up for air and and they realise they want to tweak things but they don't necessarily know what it is they want to tweak, because it's all new. So we work on that, I have a more segmented wheel. It's, you know, the career sort of things money sort of thing. So go over each of these and how they interrelate. Of course there's weight control. I can't say the other word, in this because I've never met a woman yet was happy with her weight. Maybe a few, but the vast majority...
Martin Furber 10:30
I'm glad you said that, and not me, because I would get called sexist for saying that.
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:34
No, I'm not saying that they're fat. I'm saying...
Martin Furber 10:37
No, I'm saying that they're never happy with their weight.
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:41
It's not necessarily they aren't. It's the messages you get from society, that's telling you that. And so that's part of what we're going to do. What are you supposed to weigh when you're five foot two and 70? Is there some? Yes, there's some statistical stuff that will say, yes, you'll be healthier at this weight, but there's so many other aspects to it. And health is not usually the first thing that people think of?
Martin Furber 11:03
Oh, yeah, I'm a...
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:04
Frog in my throat here! Okay...
Martin Furber 11:09
It's like, okay, we all know, to lose weight, you need a calorie deficiency, basically, on the amount of energy you're using, you need to consume fewer calories than you're burning to lose weight.
Martin Furber 11:19
But it isn't the only factor.
Martin Furber 11:21
I know that. But, I mean, I can remember what my weight issues are sort of, I wouldn't say famous now, but are well talked-about. One of the things I used to do, when I was on one of my many crash diets, was cut out all fat and get obsessive about it. Well, actually, you know, fat tastes nice, in somethings, and it's incredibly good for you.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:45
Exactly. And there are lots of things that are good for you in it. And some of your vitamins only get there in that way. Yeah.
Martin Furber 11:51
Yeah, well, again, all the years of Crash dieting and putting it back on and this, that and the other, you know, I would cut out sugar completely. And do that as a diet. I cut out fat completely than I do one where you cut out carbs, and eat loads of fat, you know, end result, always the same, you know. Not feel well, not feel good, and pile in a load of weight and get back where you were before. And some!
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:14
Yeah, of course, there's always the rebound effect. Yeah, yeah. But it's not, it's not specifically a weight loss thing. But we'll probably spend a fair amount of time at that, because I think the group will want to, and so it will sort of morph depending on what the group needs. I have the basic, this is what I'll do this week, but the Q&A may go wherever it will.
Martin Furber 12:34
Hmm. I know you said you help more women than men, that's the you know, for sort of...
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:41
yeah, I think it's, um, there might be a little bit of bias, because I know a fair number of male hypnotists. So I don't know what their make-up is of clients. But it may just be that women want to talk to women, and that's why I get referrals. Since I've seen seeing women and then they talk to other women and maybe they have a bias. I don't market specificallyto women. The weight loss thing, probably I will. "Weight-control" that word! But to a mental health, you know, mindset way, but also from a marketing way because, you get the ads pulled if you use the word, because people have over-promised and under-delivered for so long. But yeah, I'm not sure if this group really whether if a male wants to join the group, how well what would work because the group itself has to work. Most of my work is independent. So what gender you are doesn't matter, because you're the only other person in there with me. But in a group setting, it might be..
Martin Furber 13:48
You need a group that bonds together, though, don't you?
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:52
When you're talking about things, like when 'I feel fat!' Whereas, you and I met first on an SEO course, it didn't matter what gender anybody was not here. Maybe you were one of a very limited number of males.
Martin Furber 14:07
Yeah, I was one!
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:08
I think there was another person in the first group. The very first group who were in there was one other guy, Jeff, I think, all right. Yeah. But you were the chattiest. One.
Martin Furber 14:22
No, there was no there was no guy in the group. I was. I remember another guy in that. No, not at all. But I felt quite a home that I'm perfectly at home in the company of women. Absolutely at home.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:38
But women necessarily there may be comfortable with you as an individual. But I think there are some things that we get shy about talking about.
Martin Furber 14:47
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean...
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:49
You have to have rapport within the group as well as...
Martin Furber 14:50
Yeah, of course. And you know, women want to talk about, God this sounds so sexist, women stuff you know. Yeah, if women want a conversation about periods or the menopause or anything else, they don't particularly want to have that conversation in front of men. Same as pelvic floor exercises or weak bladders. You know, at certain times in their lives.
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:11
And, probably men would be reticent to have those similar conversations the other direction. Well, you got your own plumbing stuff, not just the stuff in your house right now!
Martin Furber 15:21
Exactly. With men, it's usually conversations on on the plumbing, yes. Or lack of functionality. Let's put it, let's keep, you know, that as involved as we need to get on this podcast anyway. But yeah, no, I totally get what you mean. So what else do you think, what kind of things will come up in conversation then in that group, where you could think of something that would help?
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:51
Well, the things I am expecting us to be talking about i self, is body image and feeling like you're being seen? That's a major issue for many women. They may, you know, may end up being a group. I don't know yet. I haven't looked at the make-up of the group. It may well be people who are younger than me, and I'm looking at the workplace situations, and are they being heard, is their voice heard, is their voice valid? And voice work is really interesting. As a physician, I remember one time, I was an attending, no, I wasn't I was a fellow. And I was running the code. And a, an intern, male intern, it was all females, a male intern walked in, and of course, men on the battlefield, their voice goes further. And this is essentially a battlefield when you're running your code. Um, and he was like, shouting all the orders, and I said, "Excuse me - Senior Doctor!". But in many situations, they aren't ignored, there is an assumption, if a male walks in, even though more than 50% of the medical school classes now are female. It is still a presumption that the guy's the doctor, and the girl's the nurse.
Martin Furber 17:18
Well, you said that happened to you in your previous career as a doctor, you could walk into a room with a male nurse, but they would speak to him as if he was the doctor.
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:26
Exactly. And it wasn't that he was miss-identifying himself, or not wearing the correct ID. It's just thre is that assumption. So you'll speak to them, and then they look over to the nurses etc.
Martin Furber 17:40
So there are actually now more females than males on these doctor's courses?
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:46
Yeah,
Martin Furber 17:47
I knew I knew you had parity, you know, more or less. But there is actually now more women?
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:53
So much of your socialisation is, you know, the things your parents expect you to do. The things your neighbours expect you to do. And you absorb that, and that is how you identify.
Martin Furber 18:08
It becomes art of your belief systems.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:10
It does, but it also isn't part of your intellectual system. So you think you know that you're good enough to do something because you pass the damn exams, Excuse me! You've passed the exam. And but, there's that imposter syndrome that comes up and I'm sure guys get it too, but I don't think they get it to the degree that women do, as a large group. Individuals, individual results will vary. For women, there's always that oh, excuse me, would you mind? We always say please and thank you. Invariably, a woman's will say it, and if you don't say please, and thank you, then you're a bitch. But that's the, you know, if woman goes in and has a strong, "this is what we're going to do". You are perceived as somebody who's stamping her foot and having a temper tantrum.
Martin Furber 19:03
Oh, yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:04
The most senior and most experienced person in the room.
Martin Furber 19:07
Yeah, there you go...
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:08
It isn't Global, but we're, it's just always in the back of your mind.
Martin Furber 19:14
Yeah, I mean, this is it. I've heard this so many times, Denise. And this is one thing that really pees me off. Okay, you get a male who is leading a team or whatever, in some kind of business situation. And he's really revved up and firing everybody up and this and that and the other. And he's a great guy. If a woman does the same kind of thing, oh, she's being hysterical. Oh, she's been emotional. Oh it's the menopause. Oh, it's her period. Straight off, oh that pees me off.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:43
Well, think how it feels to be a female.
Martin Furber 19:45
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:49
But that's really the crux of it. Yes, people will lose weight. If you're happier, you lose weight. There's so many things people may come to the programme because they want to look good in a bikini. I mean, that's a long time ago for me, but some people might still be in that age group. And yet, the real issue isn't that, the real issue is, are they happy in their relationships? Do they have a good relationship with their children, or all the other bits of your life, because you have to live all of it, all at the same time. You may be concentrating on one aspect, but it's all happening. It's not like you can sort of stick a pin in this part and come back to it later. Perhaps, with a career but not completely, because you've got to know that you are losing ground if you're not actually working in your career.
Martin Furber 20:37
Absolutely, yeah, but that's the thing you said about losing weight. That's the thing when I do weight management with people I do it over six sessions. We do not talk about food after the first two, it is never mentioned again. Yeah. It's never mentioned again, because it's not the food that's the issue, is the thoughts they attach to it. And it's the rest of their lives.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:53
Yeah, exactly.
Martin Furber 20:54
They say something else is wrong. We don't talk about food. There's no point. If you concentrate on it, you'll just get hungry. That's what I always say. You spend all day talking about food, you're just gonna get hungry.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:07
Do you encourage them to buy pineapples?
Martin Furber 21:10
No! I do mention it though!
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:13
Reward yourself as we mean.
Martin Furber 21:15
Yeah, I just love pineapples. They get rid of that sugar craving for one thing, for me, but they're incredibly good for you. And it's just the kind of fruit that agrees with me. I'm not. I've never been that much of a fruit eater. I like grapes. I like apples and oranges and pears, but I don't eat what you call soft fruits, plums, raspberries, berries, I don't eat any of those. It's the texture, I'm not very keen on them. Yeah, you could put a load in a blender make a smoothie - I'll drink it, not a problem.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:45
You don't go looking for it.
Martin Furber 21:46
No, I remember looking for them. If on the supermarket shelves you can have every kind of fruit there I'll invariably grab a pineapple or yellow melon, they're nice, depending on the time of year. Watermelons, not keen on all those pips!
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:02
We have seedless ones over here. Oh, genetically modified, or at least bred not to have seeds. So that was a little stripped-down something I don't know where we went there.
Martin Furber 22:14
No, neither do I. But as usual, we go all over the place.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:19
So we have Larissa next week. Yes our last of the season. And did we decide when we're going to because we want to wrap for at least a month we decide when we're going to come back?
Martin Furber 22:30
I think we said May the seventh hadn't we?
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:33
Yes, that rings a bell
Martin Furber 22:34
That rings a bell with me too. Yes, we will.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:37
So, when you're listening, when you're listening to this, if it's the first week it goes out. There's one more week of this season and...
Martin Furber 22:43
Yeah, with Larissa in it, who is talking about hypnosis without hypnosis.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:49
Interesting concept. And then there'll be approximately four or five week break before will pop up again.
Martin Furber 22:56
And we're gonna have, well we'll be on episode one of that, and episode two is Brenda Rhodes.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:02
Oh, that's right. Yes. Yes, we have plans. And we hope you join us again. I would like to make a little plug. I usually say 'like and subscribe'. Yes, but also comment! We'd like some from feedback from people other than Oh, Jolly Good job, that's nice, but we'd like some actual feedback.
Martin Furber 23:22
Start a conversation. Leave something in the comments. Make it kind
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:26
It can be kind but you can disagree kindly. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Martin Furber 23:29
Yeah, absolutely. That's not a problem at all. You know, just don't be unkind.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:36
That's a good general rule to leave on for this episode. Yeah. Oh, good. Okay, as always lovely to talk to you, Martin.
Martin Furber 23:46
And you Denise, I'll speak to you on the next one. Okay, bye.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:54
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 24:11
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
